Wisconsin Post Adoption Resource Centers The Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Centers are funded by a grant from the Wisconsin Department of Children & Family Services.
Looking Beyond the Theraplay Activities: A Window into Attachment Dafna Lender, LCSW, Program Director, The Theraplay Institute Why is Theraplay effective for healing children’s attachment issues? The key is not the activities. The activities are just the vehicles that facilitate connection. The key is that we lend the child, and teach the parents to lend their child, our whole selves to help them organize into healthier, happier people. How does this happen? Theraplay changes a child’s implicit relational knowing, which is a person’s nonconscious expectation of what will come from interacting with another human being. The patterns of interactions between a parent and child are established during infancy when a parent responds in an attuned way (or not) to the baby’s signals. These patterns turn into schemas that are neurologically “set” in the brain over the first three years. The more they are repeated, the more they are reinforced. These repeated schemas in the brain turn into a child’s internal working model in relation to attachment figures. Most of the children we work with have insecure attachment patterns. In Theraplay, we are giving the child interpersonal experiences that are noncongruent with their (insecure) internal working model, thereby challenging their brain to develop new, healthier implicit relational knowledge of what it’s like to be in a relationship. For example, when a child
is struggling in a Theraplay session and pushes you away with his legs, you say “Boy you’ve got strong legs! I bet you can’t push me over with these legs on the count of three!” and then hold his two feet in the palms of your hands, count to three, the child pushes and you rock backwards with a big “OOOOHHHH” sound. When you come back up, you see the child’s face has changed from defensive fear to a moment of proud delight. What just happened? By reframing and organizing his resistance into a moment of reciprocal play, you have given the child an opportunity to experience himself as strong, clever and most importantly still connected to the adult rather than bad, rejected and isolated. You have given him new meaning for what it means to be him. Right Brain Development in Early Childhood The limbic area of the brain is the area that is developing most rapidly in infants starting from the third trimester of pregnancy thru the third year of life. The more logical, verbal areas of the brain, the pre-frontal cortex, develop later. A parent’s emotional attunement (appropriate levels of touch, rocking, feeding, humming, changes of voice tone, tempo of movement, facial expressions) are the experiential food for the limbic brain areas during early
development, as well as in adult life. The reality of the child’s world is derived from information about the emotional states of others. Facial recognition centers are in the limbic brain. It is these limbic brain structures that are underdeveloped, damaged, or distorted in the children with whom we work. Theraplay accesses these limbic structures by providing high levels of non-verbal, face to face emotional communications involving, rhythm, eye contact, attuned responses of pacing and intensity that lead to developing positive neural connections. Think of a parent whose baby is upset and crying: What does that parent do? She will hold the baby close, bounce him up and down in strong, rhythmic motions and hum or say “sh, sh, sh, sh” with the same level of energy as the infant is demonstrating in order to soothe him. The baby can feel the vibration of his mother’s chest as she hums and can feel her intention to help him through this experience. It is this type of behavior on the part of the parent that lends the infant’s immature nervous system the experiences it needs to learn to calm, organize, and soothe itself. But what if the parent were to hold the baby loosely, not bounce him, and not verbalize at all? The baby would likely not feel his parent’s presence and not feel soothed.
NEWS Summer, 2016 Issue
www.parc.cclse.org The Wisconsin Post Adoption Resource Centers are located at: Northeastern Region: Family Services of NE Wisconsin, Inc. 300 Crooks Street Green Bay, WI 54301 Phone: 800-998-9609/x1264 Western Region: Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse 3710 East Ave. La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: 608-782-0710 Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse 448 N. Dewey Street Eau Claire, WI 54703 Phone: 715-832-6644 Northern Region: Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse 540 South 3rd Ave. Wausau, WI 54401 Phone: 715-849-3311 Southeastern Region: Coalition for Children, Youth and Families 6682 W. Greenfield Ave. Suite 310 Milwaukee, WI 53214 Phone: 800-762-8063 Southern Region: Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Madison 1810 S. Park Street, Suite 200 Madison, WI 53713 Phone: 888-236-4673
Looking Beyond the Theraplay Activities: A Window into Attachment (Continued) If this happens chronically, he will not learn how to soothe himself and manage intense feelings, and he will also learn that no one can help him when he’s distressed. We see a lot of these children in our clinic when they’re older: they are the type who easily “lose it” (lack of self-regulation skills) and then they desperately try to keep you or their parents from getting close enough to help them. What we do in Theraplay is to intervene at the appropriate physiologic level to connect with this type of child and capture the “attention” of his whole body. For example: grabbing a child’s hand and making a game of “ring around the rosy” out of a child who was previously running around the room chaotically, and then quickly placing him in your lap, facing out, and making finger prints in play dough or feeding him something chewy, is a common Theraplay sequence. What happened on a regulatory level is that the therapist met the child at his highly aroused level and helped to organize it, and then quickly provided both the structure and the engagement to help him calm down and focus his attention on a more soothing level, being ever mindful that because the child’s whole system is overstimulated and reactive, it is best not to insist on face to face contact but use body contact, which is less intense. Vitality Affects Keying in to and responding appropriately to a child’s vitality affects is our job: whether the goal is to down-regulate the child’s affect as illustrated
above, or to match it (such as in the cotton ball hockey game, patty cake, etc), or amplify it (a child notices an interesting freckle on her hand and the therapist looks with interest and admires it further), we serve as guides in regulating the rhythm and intensity of the relationship. For example, if you’re doing a quiet “check up” with a child, it’s because you are attuned to her basic state of physiologic arousal and have judged that the child is able to sit still and focus long enough for you to capture her attention. If she becomes interested in the freckle you found and stares at it intently, you respond with a quiet, rich, energy filled voice: “Yeah, uh huh, neat freckle.” But if she were to stare off past you and look bored or disconnected, you would vary the activity or change it altogether in order to reestablish the connection. Another unique attachment opportunity that a Theraplay session provides are the many moments of surprise: these are moments of increased intensity, where there is a sudden dynamic shift. We set up these opportunities for dynamic shift all the time in Theraplay. For example: You are quietly studying a child’s face in Theraplay and he reaches out to touch your nose and you make a resounding “BEEEEEP” sound; the child is suddenly completely alert and, looking straight into your eyes, he giggles spontaneously at the surprising, funny shared event between the two of you, and you laugh in turn. The discrepancy between what the child expected and what actually happened is surprising. This element of surprise, so important in
Theraplay, is the growing edge for a child to learn that new things can happen, but that these new things can be both fun/exciting and safe. Now Moments Related to the scenario described above, a now moment is when two people are sharing a dyadic state of consciousness. For those few seconds after you made the beep sound, you and the child are in a brand new, shared space created by the two of you, and you are intensely focused on each other. You each give meaning to the event as pleasant and the giggling both conveys and amplifies the moment. The more now moments occur, the more the child learns that it is pleasureful and safe to be completely caught up in a moment of shared joy or attention with another person. Once this has happened, there is no going back—a deeper sense of connection has been established between the two of you. Now moments can also be seen as trance-like or hypnotic states when the dyad is not aware of the passing of time, is not self-conscious and is intensely focused on the object of shared attention between the two people. This is a common experience for people when they are doing their favorite activity with another person such as playing music, dancing, etc. It is the common goal for many Theraplay activities that require reciprocity, such as pat-a-cake, peek a boo, beep and honk, cheek pop, etc. For all of the activities mentioned above, it is the fact of you and the child, or more
importantly the parent and the child, being together in a connected way that achieves the goal of improved attachment capacities between parent and child. *Dafna Lender will be presenting Adoptive Parenting The Theraplay way at the annual fall conference on October 7th in Eau Claire, WI.* Sources for the article: Makela, J. (2003). What Makes Theraplay® Effective: Insights from Developmental Sciences. The Theraplay® Institute Newsletter of Fall/ Winter. Panksepp, J. (2001). The long -term psychobiological consequences of infant emotions: prescriptions for the twentyfirst century. Infant Mental Health Journal, Vol. 22(1-2), 132-173 Schore, A.N. (1994) Affect regulation and the origin of the self: The neurobiology of emotional development. Hillside, NJ; Erlbaum. Schore, A. (2003) Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self. New York: W.W. Norton. Schore, A.N. (1997) Early organization of the nonlinear right brain and development of a predisposition to psychiatric disorders. Development and Psychopathology 9, 595-631. Siegel, D.J. (1999) The Developing Mind: Toward a Neurobiology of Interpersonal Experience. NY; Guilford Press. Siegel, Daniel A. (1999) The Developing Mind. New York: The Guilford Press. Slade, A. (2005) Parental reflective functioning: An introduction. Attachment and Human Development; 7 (3): 269281.
Birthparents Corner Why do we focus on birth parents? Why do we want to encourage birth parents to have an outlet to discuss concerns about a decision they made? Didn’t they chose to “give up” their child? They weren’t suitable to parent so why should we support them? As I have been talking with people recently I have felt saddened with those questions. I have also been asked why would someone still need support after 5, 10 or even 30 years after they had a Termination of Parental Rights court hearing? The Post Adoption Resource Center embraces birth parents and supports them because they understand the difficult decision that a birth parent made. They are determined to support and help birth parents through several means, one is by participating in a face to face group experience, another by connecting birth parents with each other, and lastly is allowing them to communicate with others via a private face book page. The Birth Parent Support Group of the Post Adoption Resource Center was created to provide post-adoption support to parents who made the decision to place their child in an adoptive family. Being a birth parent is a life-long decision and it has been recognized that adoption support needs to be available for parents no matter what stage they are at during their personal life journey as a birth parent. This group has been a blessing to many birth parents. Group meetings are held every other month and an annual retreat is held to encourage, support, and guide parents on their path. From time to time, members of the support group assist with educating prospective adoptive parents on the realities of birth parents and the unique joys and challenges of adoption. If you are a birth parent and feel you may be interested in learning more about the group please call the agency directly at 715-832-6644 or email
[email protected]. *Written by Karla Meyer Adoption Social Worker in Eau Claire, WI.
Upcoming Events Birthparent Support Group Meetings August 9th Phoenix Park, 6:00 pm Eau Claire, WI RSVP to Karla at
[email protected] September 22nd Java Vino, 6:00 pm La Crosse, WI RSVP to Magen at
[email protected]
Facebook Are you looking for more support? Come join our Facebook group for Western Wisconsin Birthparents. This is a privategroup, so if you would like to get added to the group please contact Christy Reppe at 715-832-6644 or
[email protected].
Other Online Resources Include: Birth mom Buds - BMB is an organization and website that provides peer counseling, support, encouragement and friendship to birth moms as well as pregnant women considering adoption. Three Stands exists to love, serve and lock arms with a Birth Mom, through a community of Birth Moms, adoptive Moms, and older Adopted Children. We begin with the delivery of Three Strands Bags to the hospital! On Your Feet Foundation honors and values the choice birthparents have made to place their children for adoption, helps birthparents to become self-sufficient, and provides support and community after placement. Concerned United Birthparents is the only national organization focused on birthparents healing through retreats, support groups, and adoption reform.
2016 Fall Conference on: Adoptive Parenting the Theraplay® Way Sponsored by:
Friday, October 7 9AM-3PM Dove Healthcare Community Room 1405 Truax Blvd, Eau Claire
Questions? Contact: 715-832-6644 x1520 or
[email protected] The PARC is funded by a grant from the WI. Dept. of Children and Families
The keynote speaker will be Dafna Lender who is the Training Director at the Theraplay® Institute. CEU’s will be available! Watch for more details and registration information in the coming months.
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Upcoming Adoption Trainings and Events Adoption Kids Group Wednesday, July 27th 6:00 pm Pineview Park West Salem, WI
Mom’s Night Out Thursday, August 11th 6:00 pm Rudy’s Drive In Sparta, WI
Join us for a support group for kids ages 6-12. Each month we will meet up for an activity, and adoption chat. This is a great time for kids to meet other kids who were adopted or are growing up in foster care.
Join Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Center for an evening of connecting with other adoptive and foster moms. Share your story and ask your questions. It’s a night to meet others who have formed their families through adoption and foster care. Open to all post and pre adoptive moms and foster moms too!
We will meet at the shelter at Pineview Park for snacks, fun and talk! RSVP to Magen Duffy if your child will attend
[email protected] 608-782-0710 ext.1223. Mom’s Night Out Monday, August 1st 6:00 pm Silver Dollar Restaurant Thorp, WI Join Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Center for an evening of connecting with other adoptive moms. Share your story and ask your questions. It’s a night to meet others who have formed their families through adoption. RSVP to Anne at
[email protected] or call 715-832-6644 ext. 1520. Please RSVP by July 28th.
RSVP to Magen at
[email protected] or 608-782-0710 ext. 1223. Mom’s Night Out Monday, August 15th 5:30 pm Norske Nook Rice Lake, WI Join Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Center for an evening of connecting with other adoptive moms. Share your story and ask your questions. It’s a night to meet others who have formed their families through adoption. RSVP to Anne at
[email protected] or call 715-832-6644 ext. 1520. Please RSVP by August 11th.
Trust Based Parenting Lunchtime Support and Discussion Group 3rd Thursday of Every Month (Aug. 18, Sept. 15) 12:00 PM at Deb’s Café Chippewa Falls, WI This lunchtime discussion group is intended for any parent looking for support as they implement connection centered principles in their parenting. Parents need not be familiar with the TBRI curriculum to attend. This group is facilitated by TBRI Educator Christy Reppe and TBRI Practitioner Tracey Robb. Please RSVP to Christy at 715-832-6644 ext. 1517. Email:
[email protected]. Mom’s Night Out Monday, August 22nd 5:30 pm Green Mill Eau Claire, WI Join Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Center for an evening of connecting with other adoptive moms. Share your story and ask your questions. It’s a night to meet others who have formed their families through adoption. RSVP to Anne at
[email protected] or call 715-832-6644 ext. 1520. Please RSVP by August 18th.
Find flyers and more information about each of these events on our web calendar at http://cclse.org/post-adoption-events/
Upcoming Adoption Trainings and Events Summer Pool Parties Sunday, August 7th Hoffman Aquatic Center 5:00-7:00 pm Black River Falls, WI RSVP to Magen at
[email protected]
Teen Group Monday, September 19th 6:00 pm Jim Dandy’s Ice Cream (Hwy 16. Across from Linda’s Bakery) West Salem, WI
Sunday, August 21st Rothschild Aquatic Center 6:00-8:00 pm Rothschild, WI RSVP to Anne at
[email protected]
Here is a great opportunity for your teen to meet other teens who are in foster care or have been adopted. This group will meet to talk, hang out, and have fun together! We will meet at 6:00 pm at the back tables for ice cream and conversation.
Join us for FREE night of family fun and swimming! Come meet other adoptive and foster families in your community. Adoption Kids Group Thursday, September 8th 6:00 pm Riverside Amusement Park La Crosse, WI Join us for a support group for kids ages 6-12. Each month we will meet up for an activity, and adoption chat. This is a great time for kids to meet other kids who were adopted or are growing up in foster care. We will meet for a game of mini golf at 6:00 pm sharp! Mini golf is free to kids attending kids group. RSVP to Magen Duffy if your child will attend
[email protected].
Please RSVP to Magen at
[email protected] or 608-782-0710 ext. 1223. Birth Parent Support Group Thursday, September 22nd 6:00 pm Java Vino La Crosse, WI Join us for a support group to talk with other birthparents who have placed a child for adoption. This group is also open to anyone who may be considering adoption for their child and would like to talk to others who have experienced this difficult decision. Open to all birthparents regardless of agency used or type of adoption. Please RSVP to Magen Duffy at
[email protected].
Understanding Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Tuesday, September 27th 6:00-8:00 pm Onalaska Public Library Onalaska, WI Don’t miss this extremely Intriguing seminar on the study of Adverse Childhood Experiences. Paula Brown, MSW, APSW Prevention Imitative Coordinator from the WI Department of Children & Families Division of Safety & Permanence will talk about ACE in Wisconsin, how toxic stress affects brain development, as well as the short & long term impact on children & families. Bring your questions! RSVP to Magen Duffy at
[email protected] or 608-782-0710 ext. 1223. Mom’s Night Out Monday, October 17th 6:00 pm Big Al’s Restaurant La Crosse, WI Join Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Center for an evening of connecting with other adoptive and foster moms. Open to all post and pre adoptive moms and foster moms too! RSVP to Magen at
[email protected] or 608-782-0710 ext. 1223.
Find flyers and more information about each of these events on our web calendar at http://cclse.org/post-adoption-events/
Lending Library At all of the Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Centers we have Lending Libraries. All of the items in our Lending Libraries are available for anyone to check out for a period of time. Some of the great things we have in our Lending Library are weighted blankets, wiggle seats, books, and videos. We would like to tell you more about some of our great videos that we have in the Lending Library. We have many of the TCU Institute of Child Development Videos. These videos feature some of the most well versed experts in the field of adoption, some examples are Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross. These videos are designed to help parents and professionals who are trying to help children who have come from hard places. If you would like to check out any of these videos below, please call or stop into your nearest Post Adoption Resource Center. Our Video Library Includes: Playful Interaction: Unlocking the Mysteries of Nurturing Human Relationships A Sensory World: Making Sense of Sensory Disorders Attachment: Why it Matters Healthy Touch Facilitating Behavioral Change
Champions Resort Care Givers Weekend Champions Riverside Resort Care Givers Weekend September 23rd and 24th Galesville, WI Come out for a fun weekend of camping and family fun. The weekend is free to all foster, adoptive, and respite care families. Come camp for two nights on a standard site with water and electricity for free. There are fun events, games and activities planned throughout the weekend for all families to get together and meet one another. You must call to make a reservation for a camp site, and a deposit will be taken for all campers, just in case a family does not show. For more information contact the Champions Riverside Resort Camp Ground at 608-582-2995 or visit their website at www.championsriversideresort.com.
Counties We Serve The Catholic Charities Post Adoption Resource Center serves a very large area of Northern and Western Wisconsin. We serve the following counties: Western Region: Barron, Buffalo, Burnett, Chippewa, Clark, Douglas, Dunn, Eau Claire, Jackson, La Crosse, Monroe, Pepin, Pierce, Polk, Rusk, St. Croix, Trempealeau, Vernon, Washburn. Northern Region: Ashland, Bayfield, Forest, Florence, Iron, Langlade, Lincoln, Marathon, Oneida, Portage, Price, Sawyer, Taylor, Vilas, Wood.
3710 East Ave So La Crosse, WI 54601
Meet the Faces of The Post Adoption Resource Center
Anne Rozeboom Post Adoption Specialist Eau Claire
Magen Duffy Post Adoption Specialist La Crosse
Christy Reppe Post Adoption Specialist Eau Claire
Karla Meyer Post Adoption Specialist Eau Claire
