HUMOR: Bible School & General Church Humor
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Bible School Humor CHURCH & SUNDAY SCHOOL • The Sunday School teacher was teaching from Acts chapter 8 about Philip and the Eunuch. Having stressed the importance of conversion and the joy of being a Christian, the teacher asked why the eunuch went on his way rejoicing. ______ replied: “Because the preacher quit preaching.” • The teacher told the story about Lot leaving Sodom & Gomorrah before its destruction. He stressed how God to Lot to take his wife and flee out of the city. He pointed out that Lot’s wife became a pillar of salt. After the lesson he asked if anyone had a question. ________ asked, “What happened to the flea?” • The teach taught the class about Noah and the ark then asked what kind of light Noah had on the ark. ________ said, “floodlights.” • The teacher asked the class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus to Jerusalem. ________ said it was because they couldn’t get a babysitter. • One Sunday the teacher asked, “Who was the man who went into the lion’s den and came out unhurt. ________ answered, “Tarzan.” • On one occasion the teacher asked “Who was the straightest man in the Bible.” ________ said it was Joseph because Pharaoh made a ruler out of him. • The Sunday School teacher asked if anyone in the class could tell the story of Adam and Eve, Twelve-year-old ________, showing women’s liberation tendencies at that early age, volunteered and said, “First, God created Adam. Then He looked and him and said, “I think I can do better if I tried again, so He created Eve.” • “Why did God create Adam before Eve?” “Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.” • The Sunday School teacher asked her 1st grade class, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in Church?” ________ replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
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HUMOR: Bible School & General Church Humor
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• The Bible class teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor they father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat ________ answered, “Thou shalt not kill.” • “What can you tell me about Goliath?” Goliath was the man David rocked to sleep. • Can you give a commandment with four words in it? “Keep off the grass.” • “What are sins of omission?” “Sins we ought to have committed but didn’t.” • “What would you do if you were in Pharaoh’s daughter’s situation where you heard baby Moses crying into the bulrushes?’ Little girl: “I’d change him.” • What do you think a land flowing with milk and honey would be like?” “Sticky.” • A substitute Sunday School teacher asked the children what she should talk about. “Talk about three minutes.” • “What did the Israelites do after they crossed the Red Sea?” “I guess they dried themselves off.” • “Do you know where little boys go when they smoke?” “Yep, up the alley.” • “What does the story of Jonah and the whale teach?” “It teaches that you can’t keep a good man down.” Children do not always get the Model Prayer right. Ø “How did you know my name?” Ø “Harold be thy name. Ø “Lead us not into Pen Station.” Ø “And deliver us from people.” REAL ANSWERS GIVEN ON BIBLE KNOWLEDGE TESTS: Ø The epistles were the wives of the apostles. Ø Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Ø A Christian should have only one wife . . . That is called monotony. Ø Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
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HUMOR: Bible School & General Church Humor
Ø Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. Ø David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Ø The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums. Ø Matthew was one of the opossums. Ø Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. Ø The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.
GENERAL CHURCH HUMOR • ________ began getting things wrong at an early age. A six year-old ________ was asked to recite the Lord’s Prayer at a church service. He said, “And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who passed trash against us.” • Where _______ began to preach while he was a student at FreedHardeman, one deacon asked another how he liked the new preacher. “Don’t like him much. He preached so long I couldn’t keep awake, and he preached so loud I couldn’t go to sleep.” • When ________ was eight he attended a bible camp. His counselor reminded those in his cabin, “Now boys, you must never do anything in private that you wouldn’t do in public. ________ yelled, “Hurray, no more baths.” • Where _______ was leading singing one time, the preacher announced the sermon title, “I’M Going to Kill Myself.” ________ announced the in invitation song, “Why Do You Wait, Dear Brother?”
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