COMPANION WORKBOOK 7 Practices for Transforming Your Leadership,Your Organization and Your Life
Michael Bunting
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is provided with the understanding that the publisher and author are not engaged in psychological, medical or therapeutic services. If therapy, psychological support or advice, or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. To the maximum extent permitted by law, the author and publisher disclaim all responsibility and liability to any person, arising directly or indirectly from any person taking or not taking action based on the information in this publication.
Published by WorkSmart Australia PO Box 42 Lindfield NSW 2070 Australia
Copyright ©2016 Michael Bunting All rights reserved.
First Edition Typeset in Bembo 13/16.5 by Kassandra Bowers (Lakazdi)
COMPANION WORKBOOK 7 Practices for Transforming Your Leadership,Your Organization and Your Life This companion workbook is designed to be used in conjunction with the book The Mindful Leader (Wiley 2016) authored by Michael Bunting. More courses, videos and audios can be found on www.mindfulleader.net
When printing, set your printer up to have no page scaling and centred on the page.This pdf has been optimised to print on both A4 and letter paper.
Contents 7 Essential Practices for Mindful Leaders 1. Be here now
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2. Take 200 per cent accountability
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3. Lead from mindful values
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4. Inspire a mindful vision
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5. Cultivate beginner’s mind
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6. Empower others to shine
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7. Nourish others with love
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Be Here Now Identifying Absentmindedness
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Experiencing Presence, Establishing Mindfulness
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Reflection on Presence and ‘Love’
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Mindful Eating
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Leadership Presence
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Take 200 Per Cent Accountability Taking Personal Accountability
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The Stories in Our Minds
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Cultivating Inner Kindness
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Taking 200 Per Cent Accountability
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Lead From Mindful Values Define Your Personal Values
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Translating Values Into Behaviours
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Define Your Personal Leadership Philosophy
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Assessing Your Organisational Values
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Inspire Mindful Vision Mindful Livelihood Check
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Mindful Vision and Employee Engagement
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Creating a Shared Vision
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Cultivate Beginner’s Mind Identifying Expert’s Mind
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Creating a Learning Culture
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Shifting From ‘Initiatives’ to ‘Experiments’
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Empower Others to Shine Bringing Out the Best in Others
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Cultivating Compassion
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Identifying and Dissolving Enemy Images
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Wisely Wielding the ‘Fierce Sword of Compassion’
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Nourish Others With Love Cultivating Lovingkindness
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Seeing and Connecting With Your Team Members
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Recognising and Rewarding Team Members
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Conclusion About the author
The Mindful Leader
Introduction
7 Essential Practices for Mindful Leaders 1. Be here now
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e spend most of our time lost in thoughts about the future and the past. This habitual absentmindedness pulls us from reality, which prevents us from seeing things clearly, within ourselves or others. We can overcome the detrimental effects of absentmindedness by becoming truly present to each moment. Through mindfulness we develop, both internally and externally, a clear-eyed view of the world. We see reality as it is, not as we want or don’t want it to be. We are present to what is happening in front of us, right now, at this very moment. When we are in the present, we are calm, clear, open-minded, open-hearted, relaxed, engaged, productive, ‘in flow’. We’re able to manage our behaviour and emotions in real time. Being mindful of the present moment allows us to observe and experience painful emotions without being sucked into them or allowing our behaviours to be dictated by them. It releases us from the oppression of incessant thoughts. It sheds light on things we’ve been resisting and gives us the courage to stop resisting. When we learn to see and experience what is happening clearly in the present moment we notice things in ourselves that we’ve never seen before.The beauty of real presence is that it reveals ourselves to ourselves—not through theory, but in reality. It is a self-transforming practice.
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2. Take 200 per cent accountability
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hen not taking accountability, we engage in thinking and behaviours like rationalisation, defensiveness, denial, aggressiveness, blame, isolation, stonewalling, passive-aggressive retreat/ withdrawal, and/or deflection. By doing so we cause ourselves more stress and suffering, even despair. We find solutions and relief only as we turn inward and take full accountability for our behaviour.Taking responsibility is about empowering ourselves to become the captain of our own ship and our behaviour choices. When we are mindful, we don’t waste time and energy defending and rationalising our actions.We take a good, undefended look and get on with re-engaging in the healthiest possible way. Mindful accountability involves neither attacking ourselves nor rationalising our behaviour. The key is being kind and compassionate toward ourselves and to see our underlying needs that are not being met. After taking full accountability for ourselves, we then learn to hold others accountable. The blame for dysfunction and poor performance can’t be laid solely at the feet of either the leader or the team. Everyone shares responsibility, and everyone must take full accountability—but only for that which they control.The equation is 100 per cent from the leader plus 100 per cent from the team equals 200 per cent accountability.
3. Lead from mindful values
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o believe in you, people have to know (1) who you are and what you stand for, and (2) whether or not they can trust you. In other words, leaders must walk their talk, and in order to do that, they must have a talk to walk.Values are your talk, and living in accordance with them through your behaviour is your walk. The beginning of your leadership journey is defining clearly who you are, what you stand for and what your deepest values are. Knowing your values and being able to articulate them is extraordinarily important for trust building, and without trust there is no leadership.
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According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), ‘Values are chosen concepts linked with patterns of action that provide a sense of meaning and that can coordinate our behavior over long time frames … Values … serve to give us purpose or direction in each instance of behavior.’ In other words, values are essentially our personal code of conduct. They are the compass by which we determine our daily choices and actions. The most important value for leaders to live by is honesty. Living and leading from wholesome values truly transforms us. Our fundamental source of wellbeing has shifted from the fluid and unpredictable external world to an inner compass of goodness. The journey challenges us to the very core, but we set out courageously in order to gain the wisdom and peace that can only come from living in alignment with our most fundamental, life-serving values.
4. Inspire a mindful vision
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nspiring leaders envision the future by imagining exciting and even ennobling possibilities, and enlist others in a common vision by appealing to shared aspirations. Mindful leaders tap into and awaken our innermost yearnings for meaning and purpose. They create a mindful vision for their teams and organisations—a vision focused on making a positive difference and alleviating suffering in the world, doing something that is good for everyone, not just for shareholders at the expense of other people or the planet. We all have a deep yearning to contribute and make a positive difference. If we’re not doing this, there is something missing in our lives. If a purpose or vision doesn’t involve making the world a better place, it cannot nourish us. It is in our DNA to want to make a difference and create a legacy, and ‘maximising shareholder wealth’ does nothing to tap into that yearning. A mindful vision is so engaging for us as human beings because it recovers meaning in business. A mindful vision is created using this criteria: Does the vision and underlying intent of our organisation support connection, wellbeing, joy and love for ourselves and all our stakeholders? Does our core purpose support
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mindfulness, as defined by a deep sense of heartfelt engagement and presence, or does it stand in the way of engagement, thus leading to alienation, disconnection and suffering?
5. Cultivate beginner’s mind
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o maintain the status quo as an organisation in the modern world is to decline and die. Successful organisations are those that can continually flex, learn and adjust, and do so nimbly and quickly.
This means leaders must be in touch with the ever-changing flow of life. They must learn to pay attention, to connect the dots and recognise patterns before others do. They must be equipped with the right tools for dealing not only with uncertainty itself, but also with their own mindset and fears in relation to uncertainty.
‘Beginner’s mind’ is the key. Beginner’s mind is viewing the world and our experiences with an innocent mind devoid of preconceptions, expectations, judgements and prejudices. It is to explore and observe things with a deep sense of openness, much as a child explores the world with curiosity and wonder and no fixed point of view. It is to lose our ‘expert’s mind’, which tends to be rigid, fixed and calcified. When we view the world through expert’s mind, we think we know all the answers and are therefore closed to new possibilities. We are prone to confirmation bias and sunk-cost bias. The most important thing a leader can do to deal with complexity is to cultivate beginner’s mind. This enables experimentation and quick learning. We explore the world around us and our circumstances with open-minded and open-hearted curiosity. We try things and see what works, then quickly adjust when things don’t work.
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6. Empower others to shine
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xtraordinary leaders empower others to bring out their best and realise their potential in the pursuit of a common goal. Our job as leaders is to make others shine. When we help our team members be the best they can be, without feeling threatened that they will shine brighter than us, they will give their best because they want to, rather than because it’s expected of them. We empower others by cultivating generosity and compassion. Through generosity, we move from command-and-control mode to coaching-and-mentoring mode to bring out the gifts in others. We give people our time, attention, insights and wisdom to help them become the best they can be.We learn to let go of control and to give people space, autonomy and responsibility to step up and contribute more. Mindful compassion in leadership is to wish for all your team members, boss and colleagues to be free of suffering, to thrive in their positions, to be happy and fulfilled, just as you wish for yourself. When we are compassionate we sense and connect with the other, and we feel their pain as if it was ours. As leaders, our job is not to fix people. Our job is to see the inherent goodness in people and to empower them to become what we see in them. The best leaders constantly ask themselves, ‘How can I make others feel more powerful, competent and able to do more than they think they can?’
7. Nourish others with love
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he best leaders are always looking for ways to recognise and praise their people. They truly see their people and notice their contributions. They never take them for granted—and people can feel that from them.
Three heart-based mindfulness practices give us the awareness to see and connect with people authentically: lovingkindness, empathetic joy and gratitude. For a leader, lovingkindness is to deeply and sincerely care about your peo-
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ple, to be emotionally invested in their progress and success. And it is to show how much you care about them by regularly and consistently expressing appreciation for their efforts. It enables us to elicit the best in others because it allows us to see the best in them. Empathetic joy means being every bit as conscious of people’s happiness as we are attuned to their suffering. It’s not enough just to offer support when someone is grieving; we must also extend joy when they have succeeded. Gratitude for leaders is a catalyst for recognition. It makes us constantly look for the good in people and feeds our desire to share our gratitude for a job well done. It is a light we carry with us that people are drawn to because they feel good about themselves when they are around us. Gratitude, appreciation, recognition and encouragement increase trust and foster cooperation.We feel better about ourselves, we perform better, and we enjoy working more with people who encourage us and recognise our contributions.
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Exercises
Be Here Now Exercise 1.0:
Identifying Absentmindedness
A
bsentmindedness, defined as being inattentive or distracted or zoning out, pulls us from the present moment, which prevents us from seeing things clearly, within ourselves or others. Absentmindedness commonly shows up as mental habits like worrying, internal conversations, judgements, dwelling on thoughts of future happiness (‘I’ll be happy when …’), and regrets about the past.
We are all well-practiced experts in absentmindedness.We can eat, drink, sit through meetings pretending to listen—all while fixated on our own thoughts about the past and future. We can arrive at our destination in the car and not recall the journey at all.
“Leadership is both a privilege and a burden. It is incumbent on leaders to be well and to lead from a centre of wellness and non-reactivity. Leaders set the tone for the whole team or organisation: when they are calm, confident, open and relaxed, the team is more likely to feel the same. Likewise, when they are stressed, fearful and closed, it breeds the same emotions among team members.”
Because it’s such a thoroughly ingrained habit for most of us, we rarely question when and how we’re being absentminded, and whether or not it’s actually serving us.
Here are a few questions that may help you reflect on the value proposition of absentmindedness.
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1. What are your top three worries in life right now? (These could be simple, everyday worries like, ‘I hope it won’t rain today’ or ‘I hope I’m not late to my meeting today’, or they could be deeper life issues like, ‘My marriage is really struggling right now’ or ‘I worry that I’m not living on purpose’. It doesn’t really matter what you list, just list something to work with.) a) How does worrying help you solve your current problems? How does worrying serve your life? (e.g. Does it make you more focused and calm? Does it help you make better decisions? Are you actually addressing the issues during your ‘worry’ time?) b) E very moment of our lives we are cultivating a state of body, mind and heart (through our thoughts and actions). Through this cultivation we become habituated and used to these states. What kind of physical, emotional and mental state are you cultivating while you are engaged in worry?
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c) Do you want to cultivate more or less of this state in your life? d) C an you find one good reason to hold onto these thoughts that are causing you to worry? (Do your best to actually come up with a reason. If you find something like, ‘If I did not worry, I would not care’, then ask yourself, ‘While I am worrying, am I actually achieving my one good reason?’; e.g. ‘While I am worrying, do I actually demonstrate care?’) e) Can you find any reasons to let go of these thoughts? 2. What are your top one or two regrets in life? a) Is there anything you can do to change the past—to change what did or did not happen?
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b) C an you find one good reason to hold onto these thoughts that are causing you to feel regretful? (Do your best, and if you find something like, ‘If I didn’t dwell on my regrets, I would never learn’, then ask yourself, ‘While I am lost in thoughts and feelings of regret am I actually growing and learning?’) c) Can you find any good reasons to let go of these thoughts of regret? 3. I’ll be happy when … List three to five things you really believe will make your life truly complete and happy.These are things you dwell on in an absentminded state at times (e.g. more money, bigger house, newer car, better position at work, new job, more caring spouse, closer connection with your children, etc.).
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a) If you were to achieve all of these things, do you believe your happiness would be permanent? Everlasting? Do you believe you will be fully satisfied? b) D o you need any of these things to be relaxed and at ease, even satisfied, now in this moment? And I mean, right THIS moment. NOW. c) I f you are not satisfied right now, are you actually present? Or is your mind busy with thoughts about this moment, the future or the past (i.e. are you engaged in absentmindedness?)? d) There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the countryside and when the farmer’s neighbours sympathised with the farmer over his bad luck, he replied, ‘Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?’ A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses and this time the neighbours congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, ‘Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?’ Then, when the farmer’s son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very
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bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, ‘Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?’ Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer’s son with his broken leg, they let him off. And the farmer thought …
Do you think the farmer was wise? If yes, what exactly is his wisdom about? e) Can you make a link to this story and your ‘I’ll be happy when’ list? f) F inal reflections: What, if anything, did these short reflections reveal to you about the value, or lack thereof, of absentmindedness?
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“By choosing to act in a spirit of mindfulness we simultaneously help ourselves while contributing to a more peaceful, healthy and whole planet for everyone. It brings much deeper meaning to business leadership than simply growing the bottom line. It’s not melodramatic to say that your work as a leader can have a profound impact on the evolution of humanity.”
The Mindful Leader
Exercise 2.0
Experiencing Presence, Establishing Mindfulness
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e know that being present is essential to emotional intelligence, self-regulation, performance, connection and happiness. The two key questions we want to investigate here are: 1. How to be present? 2. How to be mindful?
“The brief pain we may feel from a mindful realisation is far more desirable than the endless struggle we experience from remaining unmindful.”
Are they different? The following exercise, taken from my book A Practical Guide to Mindful Meditation, invites you to practise presence and then explore mindfulness: *** Exercise: Feeling hands
• Sitting quietly, hold your hands together.Then ask yourself, ‘Can I feel my hands?’ (Your answer will probably be ‘Yes.’) • Now ask yourself,‘Am I making any particular effort to feel my hands?’ (Your answer will very probably be ‘No. It’s simply obvious.’) Here you are directing your awareness and attention towards the feel of your hands.You are in effect ‘present’ with your hands. Focused and clear. Now let’s add continuity of attention—that is, mindfulness. *** Exercise: Mindfulness and feeling hands
• Set a timer for two to three minutes. Now sit quietly, holding your hands together. Feel your hands.
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• At the end of this time ask yourself, ‘During the past couple of minutes, did I at any point lose the feel of my hands?’ (Your answer may very well be ‘Yes. I stopped feeling them when my mind wandered off to something else.’)
“Mindfulness is the key to liberating ourselves from the incessant push and pull of our physical sensations, emotions and thoughts.”
As you reflect on this experience, you may notice that the mind wandered off the moment you forgot the feel of your hands. In that moment you lost the continuity of attention. The key is feeling, as it is one of the five senses. The five senses are a key toolkit for helping us stay present in our lives. In a sense, they are the present. You cannot smell two seconds from now; you cannot see three seconds ago.You can only engage with the senses now. The difference between just a moment of presence and mindfulness is that continuity of attention.
Exercise 2.1
Reflection on Presence and ‘Love’ 1. Consider the two or three things you love doing most in life, such as surfing, skiing, meditation, hanging out with loved ones, working, eating, movies, etc. Jot those down here.
a) We are assuming you could say you love doing these things, e.g. ‘I love golf ’ or ‘I love movies’.
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Now consider this: Do these things you love support you to be more engaged and present? Do you find that your absentmindedness eases or even stops while engaged in these activities? b) Here is a proposal for you. It’s the engaged presence that creates and supports the feelings of ease, joy and love. In other words, if you could train yourself to be less absentminded and more present in general, you might ‘love your life’ a whole lot more. What do you make of that?
c) If the jury is still out, get up right now and just try and do one simple activity like cleaning the dishes, or going for a walk around the block with a commitment to being 100 per cent present in the activity. Something you would not ordinarily ‘love’ doing. Then jot down your reflections. Was it easier, harder, more enjoyable, less enjoyable?
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Exercise 2.2
Mindful Eating
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indful eating is more than eating slowly, without distraction—it is also eating with intention and attention:
• Eating with the intention of caring for yourself • Eating with the attention necessary for noticing and enjoying your food and its effects on your body
Schedule a meal to eat mindfully, using the following steps: 1. Eat slowly. Take time to savour your food. 2. Turn off your phone, shut off the TV, and eliminate all other distractions. 3. Savour the silence. This may be difficult if you have a family with children, so you may need to adapt as necessary. 4. Pay attention to flavour and texture. Note the tanginess of a lemon, the spiciness of arugula, the crunch of a pizza crust. Pay attention to all the details of the experience. 5. Know your food. Even if you don’t know where your food has come from, ask yourself questions like, ‘Who grew this?, Where did it come from?, How did it get here?’ Notice that by doing so you’ll gain a deeper appreciation for your food. Notes
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Exercise 3.0
Leadership Presence
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eing a leader means connecting with people, uplifting people, ensuring people know they matter and that their opinions matter. Many leaders are so overwhelmed with tasks and complexity that they are constantly obsessed with their thoughts or in a rush to get conversations over so they can get on with their tasks. This also often results in the myth of multitasking: leaders think they can get more done by multitasking, when in fact it diminishes their productivity and effectiveness. In 2005, the BBC reported on a research study, funded by Hewlett-Packard and conducted by the Institute of Psychiatry at the University of London, that found workers distracted by e-mail and phone calls suffer a fall in IQ more than twice that found in marijuana smokers.1 This results in behaviour that is bad for engagement and leadership effectiveness and is just downright bad for the leader’s health and wellbeing too! Please explore this set of questions and take action on them:
a) I magine you had a boss you regarded as a very mindful, present and engaging person. How would they communicate with you? (e.g. would they listen to you with undivided attention? Would they finish sentences off for you? Would they check their understanding before they made assumptions, etc.?) Just pick the two or three things you believe a truly mindful communicator would do well, things that are important to you. 1
Christine Rosen, ‘The Myth of Multitasking.’ The New Atlantis thenewatlantis.com.
Spring 2008. Web. 14 Apr. 2011
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b) What two or three kinds of things would they NOT do while engaging with you? (think of the worst boss you have ever had …) c) N ow consider what you might need to practise to become a more mindful communicator, and by doing so ensure your team is getting the quality of attention (not necessarily quantity) they deserve and need. Here is a quick list of some examples of my clients’ commitments over the years in this area: • One leader always got up from his desk when people walked into his office, and then either stood while speaking with them, or sat at a little side table in his office where there was no phone. • One leader decided to switch off her computer and phone for all meetings. • One leader decided to consistently check her understanding of what people had said so she could ensure she really had heard them. • One leader decided to stop finishing people’s sentences off for them. • One leader decided that if he did not have time to listen to people fully he would be honest with them and reschedule a time when he could. • One leader decided that if anyone was not listening to them they would simply stop speaking until the person did listen.This was a gentle way to ensure a quality of presence in his interactions.
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Your commitment statement: In the context of becoming a more mindful leader and communicating with my team more mindfully my one commitment is: Final Note: The most important thing you can do to cultivate greater presence as a leader is to formally and consistently meditate. For help with this, get my book, A Practical Guide to Mindful Meditation, and download my Mindful Minutes app on your smartphone.
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Exercises
Take 200 Per Cent Accountability Exercise 1.0
Taking Personal Accountability The thinking and behaviours we engage in when not taking accountability for our actions typically take one or more of these forms: • rationalisation
“Leaders who cultivate the courage to take an honest look at themselves find that taking accountability can have far greater impact on their business than any strategy, initiative or marketing campaign.”
• defensiveness
• denial
• aggressiveness
• blame
• isolation (running away)
• stonewalling
• passive-aggressive retreat/withdrawal
• the PR spin (e.g. we are told we are not delegating well, but rather than changing we ‘sell’ ourselves by pointing out how excellent our results are)
• deflection
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a) H ave you given someone feedback or requested them to change their behaviour and been met with this kind of behaviour (rationalising, defensiveness, denial, etc.)? (e.g. ‘Every time I tell my boss they are not listening to me, they just deny it and insist they were listening.’ On a personal level this might be telling a loved one they are upsetting you and they reply, ‘Well, I am only behaving this way because you were upsetting me first’—the ‘you started it’ argument.) Jot your example down here.
b) H ow does this behaviour affect your relationship, levels of engagement and trust with them?
c) If they are a leader. what is the net effect of this behaviour on their credibility as a leader?
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d) If the person in your example behaved in a way that was more mindful and accountable, what would that look like? e) What do you think their behaviour is giving them? What is their reward for rationalising, defending, denying, etc.?
f) I s this reward worth the lack of growth and learning, the loss of trust and credibility that comes with this habit? g) Do you engage in these kinds of behaviours? If you can remember one now jot it down, otherwise just answer yes or no here (hint: if you are writing no … well … that is likely a serious level of delusion.)
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h) If you cannot identify any behaviours, go and ask those around you for feedback on how you do this. Note their response here: i) F inally, what kind of behaviour could you cultivate that would be the ‘antidote’ to this behaviour? (Your answer might lie in how you want others to behave toward your feedback.)
Exercise 1.1
The Stories in Our Minds
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hen we are mindful we are objective and clear, and we tend to see through our habits, our assumptions and thoughts. We can see when the thoughts and stories in our mind are helpful or unhelpful, true or false. None of us are perfectly mindful and so we are always engaging in unhelpful thinking. The real skill here is to identify the unhelpful thinking and then instead replace it with mindfulness, inquiry and clarity.
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“When we are mindful, we don’t waste time and energy defending and rationalising our actions. We take a good, undefended look and get on with re-engaging in the healthiest possible way.”
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Let’s investigate that for a moment. For your own benefit, it’s important you don’t skip ahead. Respond to each question before reading ahead or moving ahead. a) L ist the three to five things that stress you the most at home and/or work (e.g. my boss, traffic, etc.). b) L ist one or two complaints or secret wishes you have about these (e.g. ‘I wish my boss would be fired’, ‘I wish I lived closer to the city’, etc.). c) If you were to divide up the causes of your stress into Internal (i.e. ‘stress caused by my thinking, assumptions and conditioning’) versus External (‘stress caused by factors outside of me’), what percentage would you give them? (e.g. 80 per cent internal, 20 per cent external) d) If you now go back and mark each of your causes of stress in the first question with an ‘I’ for internal versus an ‘E’ for external, and tally it up, does it reflect what you wrote in terms of percentages above?
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e) If not, why not? Here is a hint: Mindfulness is a way of being more objective about our experience, and in that clear, sober seeing what we thought was true can be revealed to be patently false. Consider this story: Two people stuck in traffic on their way to work. Both of them will be late unless the traffic eases up, yet neither of them has any urgent meeting to get to. Their external world is very similar. One of them is calm and relaxed, knowing full well that getting stressed won’t make the traffic go faster, nor will it serve his wellbeing. The second is frustrated, angry and stressed. He’s honking his horn, anxiously checking his watch every couple of minutes, cursing other drivers. The stressed person is caught in the assumption that the traffic is the cause of his stress. If our external world were the actual cause of stress, it would create stress for everyone in equal measure. Yet in this example the cause is clearly not external but within us.
f) What does this mean for you and your way of dealing with stress? Please remember: when we are fully present, all stress drops away.
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Exercise 2.0
Cultivating Inner Kindness
M
indful accountability involves neither attacking ourselves nor rationalising our behaviour. The key is being kind and compassionate toward ourselves. Kindness allows us to examine our behaviour with non-judgemental curiosity and honesty when we have let ourselves down. It helps us to bear the truth rather than ramping up our distress. In doing so it helps us to see the why behind such actions—and our underlying needs that are not being met. Write down the last time you felt like you failed as a leader. What specific behaviours did you engage in that frustrated and/or disappointed you? Did you harm others? If so, how? Be specific (e.g. ‘I spoke from reactivity and anger when people missed a deadline’).
“What can be more inspiring than seeing a human being choose responsibility, compassion and generosity in the face of challenge? The best leaders inspire us to become better people through their own example. This is the primary role of leadership, as well as a core ethos of mindfulness.”
Without judging yourself for your behaviour, gently inquire into the experience. a) What was the underlying emotion that created the behaviour? Deep down, were you afraid of something? Perhaps you felt disrespected? (e.g. ‘When I spoke from anger I was scared that people were not respecting me and the job would not get done’.) b) What were your underlying needs that caused the behaviour? Were you needing respect? Appreciation? Validation? (In the ongoing example, it’s likely the need is for some sense of security as the lack of delivery would feel threatening to the person’s job.) 26
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c) Take the time to look deep and really see yourself. See the goodness and legitimate needs underlying your behaviour in this circumstance. What is the goodness in yourself that you find as you analyse this experience? Write it down. (In the ongoing example, it could be the goodness that the person who got angry really cares about delivering things on time, cares about not letting others down.) d) N ow that you can see the needs behind your behaviour, jot down a behaviour choice that would have been more likely to get your needs met. (In the ongoing example it could be, ‘I should have spoken to them with respect, inquired why the deadline had been missed, and then either given them a warning if their reason was not legitimate, done with respect, or helped them with more support or resources if they had a valid reason. This choice would far more likely result in ongoing high performance in the team’.)
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Exercise 3.0
Taking 200 Per Cent Accountability
T
he blame for dysfunction and poor performance can’t be laid solely at the feet of either the leader or the team. Everyone shares responsibility, and everyone must take full accountability—but only for that which they control.The equation is 100 per cent from the leader plus 100 per cent from the team equals 200 per cent accountability.
“Mindfulness gives us both the insight to recognise that we are accountable and the tools for shifting into a new way of being, behaving and seeing the world that reduces our suffering and that of others.”
A partnership in which one person takes full accountability and the other takes only partial accountability is dysfunctional. It simply doesn’t work. If you hold yourself accountable without holding your partner accountable, you create a narcissist.The saying ‘It takes two to tango’ applies here. It takes two to cause dysfunction, but it also takes two to x that dysfunction. And of course this principle applies to whole teams and organisations. 1. Write down the name of one of your direct reports whom you feel is not being accountable: a) What specific behaviours is he or she engaging in that demonstrate a lack of accountability?
b) I s this person aware of how they are not being accountable? Do they know exactly where and how they are falling short? If so, how can you be certain of this?
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c) What is your accountability in this situation?
“We cannot inspire change in others until we learn to change ourselves. We cannot maintain presence, aliveness or credibility if we blame others or rationalise unmindful behaviour.”
d) Are you being 100 per cent accountable in this situation? Why or why not? How might you be contributing to their lack of accountability? e) What needs to change in order for you both to be 100 per cent accountable? What conversation do you need to have with this person? Write down your answers in detail:
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Exercises
Lead From Mindful Values Exercise 1.0
Define Your Personal Values
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o believe in you, people have to know (1) who you are and what you stand for, and (2) whether or not they can trust you. In other words, leaders must walk their talk, and in order to do that, they must have a talk to walk.Values are your talk, and living in accordance with them through your behaviour is your walk.
The beginning of your leadership journey is defining clearly who you are, what you stand for and what your deepest values are—in short, your leadership philosophy. Knowing your values and being able to articulate them is extraordinarily important for trust building, and without trust there is no leadership. In a research study conducted by my co-authors of my last book, people who rated their leaders as ‘almost always’ clear about their leadership philosophy indicated trusting them more than 66 per cent more than those who said their leaders were ‘almost never’ clear.
“Living and leading from wholesome values truly transforms us. Our fundamental source of wellbeing has shifted from the fluid and unpredictable external world to an inner compass of goodness. The journey challenges us to the very core, but we set out courageously in order to gain the wisdom and peace that can only come from living in alignment with our most fundamental, life-serving values.”
Tony Simons at Cornell University, author of The Integrity Divide, writes, ‘Organizations where employees strongly believed their managers followed
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through on promises and commitments and demonstrated the values they preached were substantially more pro table than those whose managers scored average or lower.’ Knowing and demonstrating your values is how you create trust among your team members, and trust is essential for organisational effectiveness. One study investigated whether employees’ perception of their manager’s behavioural integrity influences job satisfaction, engagement, turnover, absenteeism, stress, work/ family conflict, health and life satisfaction. The researchers found numerous correlations between perceived behavioural integrity and employee performance. Leaders with high perceived behavioural integrity lead teams that are significantly more satisfied in their job, less likely to be absent and less stressed, and that report greater overall health and wellbeing and life satisfaction. Russ Harris, an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) therapist, coach and teacher, explains that values are your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave as a human being. Values are not about what you want to get or achieve; they are about how you want to behave or act on an ongoing basis. There are literally hundreds of different values, but below you’ll find a list of the most common ones. Probably not all of them will be relevant to you. Keep in mind there are no such things as ‘right values’ or ‘wrong values’. It’s a bit like our taste in pizzas. If you prefer ham and pineapple but I prefer salami and olives, that doesn’t mean that my taste in pizzas is right and yours is wrong. It just means we have different tastes. And similarly, we may have different values.
“Living in alignment with wholesome values will bring you home to yourself. It will help you find a deep peace and ease with who you are and what you do in the world. It is no exaggeration to say that values support a deep level of discovery of what integrity means. And integrity, a sense of wholeness, is something we all long for.”
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Read through the list below (which was provided by Russ Harris), and write a letter next to each value: V = Very important, Q = Quite important and N = Not so important.
Acceptance: to be open to and accepting of myself, others, life, etc.
Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences
Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want
Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself
Beauty: to appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment, etc.
Caring: to be caring towards myself, others, the environment, etc.
Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, improve
Compassion: to act with kindness towards those who are suffering
Connection: to engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others
Contribution: to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others
Conformity: to be respectful and obedient of rules and obligations
Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others
Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat or difficulty
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Creativity: to be creative or innovative
Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded and interested; to explore and discover
Encouragement: to encourage and reward behaviour that I value in myself or others
Equality: to treat others as equal to myself, and vice-versa
Excitement: to seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or
thrilling
Fairness: to be fair to myself or others
Fitness: to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental
health and wellbeing
Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances
Freedom: to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise
Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable or agreeable towards others
Forgiveness: to be forgiving towards myself or others
F un: to be fun-loving; to seek, create and engage in fun-filled activities
Generosity: to be generous, sharing and giving, to myself or others
Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others
and life
Honesty: to be honest, truthful and sincere with myself and others
Humour: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life
Humility: to be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves
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Industry: to be industrious, hard-working, dedicated
Independence: to be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things
Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself — emotionally or physically—in my
close personal relationships
Justice: to uphold justice and fairness
Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing or caring towards myself or others
Love: to act lovingly or affectionately towards myself or others
Mindfulness: to be conscious of, open to and curious about my here-and-now
experience
Order: to be orderly and organised
pen-mindedness: to think things through, see things from othO er’s points of view, and
weigh evidence fairly
Patience: to wait calmly for what I want
Persistence: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties.
Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others
Power: to strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g. taking charge,
leading, organising
Reciprocity: to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking
Respect: to be respectful towards myself or others; to be polite, considerate and show
positive regard
Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions
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Romance: to be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection
Safety: to secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others
Self-awareness: to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions
Self-care: to look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met
elf-development: to keep growing, advancing or improving in S knowledge, skills,
character or life experience.
Self-control: to act in accordance with my own ideals
Sensuality: to create, explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses
Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality
Spirituality: to connect with things bigger than myself
Skilfulness: to continually practise and improve my skills, and apply myself fully
when using them
Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful, encouraging and available to myself or
others
Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere and reliable
Insert your own unlisted value here:
Insert your own unlisted value here:
Insert your own unlisted value here:
Insert your own unlisted value here:
Insert your own unlisted value here:
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Once you’ve marked each value as V, Q, N (Very, Quite or Not so important), go through all the Vs, and select out the top three that are most important to you. Mark each one with a 3, to show it’s in your top three. Finally, write those three values out below, to remind yourself this is what you want to stand for:
My Core Values: 1. 2. 3.
Exercise 1.1
Translating Values Into Behaviours For them to be meaningful, values must translate into observable, measurable behaviours, e.g.: • Value: Integrity • Behavioural Standards: o I follow through on commitments, do what I say I will do. o I speak factually, even if it’s painful for others to hear. • Value: Curiosity • Behavioural Standards: o I ask questions constantly and encourage everyone to question why we’re doing things and how we can do them better. I experiment and allow myself and others to fail. I learn from my failures by asking the right questions.
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For each value you listed above, list at least two key behaviours associated with the value. What does this value look like in action? If you’re living the value, what does it actually mean in terms of behaviour?
• Value: • Key Behaviours: 1. 2. • Value: • Key Behaviours: 1. 2.
• Value: • Key Behaviours: 1. 2.
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Exercise 2.0
Define Your Personal Leadership Philosophy
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“Leading from values is about so much more than boosting the bottom line. It’s about creating a culture of wholeness and wellness. It’s about bringing out the best in ourselves and others. It’s about being true to ourselves. Ultimately, it’s about creating peace in our hearts.”
hen leadership experts Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner ask leaders how clear they are about their leadership philosophy, those who fall into the top 10 per cent on this leadership behaviour have quite different work attitudes than their counterparts in the bottom 10 per cent. Their overall attitudes toward the workplace are significantly more positive. When asked to rate their effectiveness as a leader, the scores of those clear about their leadership philosophy are 25 per cent higher than those who report not being very clear about their leadership philosophy.
The impact that the leader’s clarity of leadership philosophy has on his or her people is even more dramatic. When asked how effective the leader is, the scores from those working with leaders who are seen as being clear about their leadership philosophy are more than 40 per cent higher than the scores received from the people who view leaders as not very clear about their leadership philosophy. The evidence is clear: to be most effective, every leader must learn to find the voice that represents who he or she is. When you have clarified your values and found your voice, you will also find the inner confidence necessary to express ideas, choose a direction, make tough decisions, act with determination and be able to take charge of your life, rather than impersonating others. Consistent leadership action and behaviour requires a clear leadership philosophy; your leadership philosophy determines how you react to people and how you react to situations. Your leadership philosophy affects your behaviour and ultimately your leadership effectiveness.
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Our leadership philosophy is a set of beliefs and principles that strongly influence how we interpret reality and guide how we understand the way the world works. It’s our philosophy, our understanding and interpretation of leadership, that affects how we react to people, events and situations around us. How we think determines how we behave.
You should by now have your values relatively clear. Can you now translate those values into a leadership philosophy statement? Something you can share with others? I’ll provide an example to help you: 1. Values: Love and honesty 2. Leadership philosophy: I believe in telling people the truth no matter how embarrassing or painful. That includes sharing information. Honesty is the cornerstone of trust and without trust there is no leadership. Leadership to me is also genuinely caring about your people and demonstrating that care through enabling, developing and recognising them, and even sometimes giving tough love in the form of feedback and accountability.
My leadership philosophy:
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Exercise 3.0
Assessing Your Organisational Values
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ll values-based leadership development efforts will flounder or fail if your organisation does not have a clear mantra around values. Furthermore, if the values are not immediately accessible to people’s conscious memory they will have little or no bearing on daily actions, and will not be a key lever for cultural health and market superiority.
“Values give the mind and heart really important guidelines. They are a structure to orient our mindfulness. They serve as guideposts on our journey to reveal to us when we’ve strayed from the path. They are a container, a context for mindfulness.”
Challenge #1: Without talking to your colleagues, write down your organisational values: Challenge #2: How are these values embedded, rewarded and reinforced in your organisation? Your team?
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Challenge #3: What are the consequences for not living the values in your organisation?
Your team? Challenge #4: What specific behaviours are you expected to engage in, in order to be seen to be living the organisational values? What behaviours are you expected to engage in at the team level? Challenge #5: What unwritten or unspoken values are rewarded in your organisation? (i.e. what is ‘really rewarded around here’ … but is in contradiction to the stated values of the organisation and / or leaders.)
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Your team?
Conclusion: What actions or projects need to be implemented as a result of doing this exercise?
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Exercises
Inspire Mindful Vision Exercise 1.0
Mindful Livelihood Check
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indless or unconscious livelihood is easily identified as anything that involves lying, cheating, stealing, or doing harm to others or the environment. A mindless livelihood creates suffering for ourselves and others. Mindful livelihood is more than the absence of these destructive practices; it is the active and conscious pursuit of a better life for ourselves and others, and by extension the planet and communities that support our wellbeing.
“The secret to high performance and satisfaction is the deeply human need for freedom, growth and creativity, and to make our world a better place. It’s simply not exciting, inspiring or meaningful for people to work hard merely to increase “shareholder value”. Such a goal, promoted so often in the corporate world, does not inspire people to give their best.”
Thich Nhat Hanh says, ‘[Y]ou have to find a way to earn your living without transgressing your ideals of love and compassion. The way you support yourself can be an expression of your deepest self, or it can be a source of suffering for you and others ... Our vocation can nourish our understanding and compassion, or erode them.We should be awake to the consequences, far and near, of the way we earn our living.’ Mindfulness teacher S. N. Goenka adds, ‘If the intention is to play a useful role in society in order to support oneself and to help others, then the work one does is [mindful] livelihood.’ Following the principle of mindful livelihood is how we find meaning in our work rather than just earning a salary. It is what we do to alleviate suffering through our work. When we connect our livelihood to making a positive difference for others, we are much more engaged and happy in our work.We make ourselves happier by making others happier. We transcend selfishness, rather than remaining mired in the pursuit of endless consumption.
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1. Analyse your current company and position. Which parts of your company and job are in alignment with the principle of mindful livelihood, and which parts are not aligned? Write them down: a) Ways in which my company/position are aligned with mindful livelihood: b) Ways in which my company/position are not aligned with mindful livelihood:
“A mindful vision makes people whole again and awakens the best in them. When we know our organisation is making a positive difference, it opens our hearts to be present with the purpose of the business.”
2. For the second question above, detail exactly why you feel this way, both about your company at large as well as your particular position. In what specific ways are you and/or your company causing suffering for communities, the environment, suppliers or customers? (e.g. ‘We pollute
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the environment’, ‘We take advantage of low-income and poorly educated people’, ‘We conceal critical information from our customers’.) 3. What can/should you personally do to change any of these? Be specific. (e.g. ‘I can spearhead an initiative to start recycling all our paper waste’, ‘I can have an honest discussion with my boss about the specific issues that bother me’, etc.)
Exercise 2.0
Mindful Vision and Employee Engagement People are looking for more than a salary from their work. They want work that engages their whole selves— not just their minds, but their hearts too. People want work that fulfils social needs and is therefore meaningful and psychologically rewarding. They want to see their work as a calling. 45
“As our mindfulness grows through sustained practice, we become increasingly sensitive to the impact we have on the world through all our activities, economic and otherwise.”
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a) How is your company making a positive difference for the world? b) H ow is your team making a positive difference to others within the company and outside of the company? c) D o your team members understand this, and are they really engaged with it? If so, what evidence tells you this? d) What can you do to connect you and your team to a more meaningful way of doing work? Brainstorm this with them. Ask them questions like, ‘What can we do so that we can be more proud of working in this team?’ (e.g. ‘If you went home tonight and told your kids what we have been doing what would you tell them so you knew they would be proud of you?’) ‘What can we
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do to ensure we leave this place better than we found it’? By ‘this place’ we mean the company, suppliers, customers and, of course, the environment. For more ideas on how to become more aligned with mindful livelihood, take the B Corp Assessment at http://bimpactassessment.net/.
“Through mindfulness we practise tuning in, reconnecting, engaging and being intimate with reality as it really is. And as we do we realise the self-evident truth of interdependence. In truth, there is no separation. Every word we speak and action we take has a tangible impact on us and on everyone else. Our level of consciousness—or lack thereof—makes a difference in the world.”
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Exercise 3.0
Creating a Shared Vision
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or a vision to be truly powerful, it must move from personal vision to shared vision. The leader’s team and/or organisation must be aligned and engaged with the vision. The vision must live and breathe in the hearts of all team members. A leader must learn to translate what they see into something everyone can see, engage with and get excited about. A great vision is a shared vision. In other words, a leader cannot impose what’s important to them exclusively. They must tap into meaning that everyone is excited about. What is the vision you have for your company/division/ department/team? Imagine it’s five years from now and you are leaving your role after incredible success. Jot down what you have done in the following areas:
“Another way of thinking about mindfulness is as care-fulness. Mindful livelihood means being full of care for the people within our organisation, the customers we serve and everyone on the planet, as well as the planet itself. It is caring about more than money and profit and personal gain; it is about being conscious of and sincerely caring about the impact we have on the world.”
a) What kind of culture have you built? b) What have you actually achieved, e.g. what have you challenged, disrupted or created?
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c) I f you overheard people from your team saying they had LOVED working in this team for the last five years, what would you hear them saying? d) I f you went home to your family and in a moment of reflection shared with them why you were so proud of what you and the team had built and achieved, what would you share? e) H ave you shared this with your direct reports? In what forms and how often?
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f) Have you asked them about what they want to achieve? What their dreams for working in this team are? In what forms and how often? g) What more can you do to inspire your direct reports with a shared mindful (engaging) vision?
“Strength comes from opening up and facing discomfort. And when we avoid what we fear, we shut down and lose the fresh open mind that is beginner’s mind. We cling to the illusion of safely “knowing” and being “right”. Our curiosity dies.”
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Exercises
Cultivate Beginner’s Mind Exercise 1.0
Identifying Expert’s Mind
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ost of the time, when we think we know, we don’t really know at all. All we know are our past impressions of a situation that is happening now, the conclusions we came to on previous occasions, or judgements about similar events or circumstances that happened in the past. ‘I know’ can actually be a great handicap that keeps us entrenched in the past and out of the present. It allows for nothing new—no surprises, insights or discoveries. Fresh insights and wisdom remain elusive because we are locked into fixed judgements of the past.
“In expert’s mind, we are terrified of “I don’t know”. But in beginner’s mind, we recognise that “I don’t know” is powerful, for it is the beginning of wisdom. Whenever you admit that you don’t know something, it’s a good sign that new insights and understanding will follow.”
a) L ist the one or two major shifts that have occurred in your business and/or industry over the past few years:
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b) What about these shifts have surprised you? What about them has clashed with what you thought you knew and made you completely change your fundamental views? (e.g. In our work we are suddenly seeing ‘large mindfulness conferences’, most of which are booked out. This has clashed with my idea that the biggest group size should be 12 people if you want high-quality learning in the area of mindfulness.)
c) Did you find yourself resisting these shifts? If so, explore the feeling.Where did the resistance come from? (I resisted it a lot, and it came from sensing that maybe my ‘expert opinion’ was wrong, and if I was wrong, was I an expert after all? Feelings of insecurity.) d) What are your top three challenges as a leader right now? (e.g. you might have a team that is underperforming, or you are losing your best people, or you can’t get the best people.) 52
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e) D o you know exactly how to overcome these challenges and solve these problems? If you answered yes, ask yourself why you’re still struggling with them in that case. Write down your answer: f) D o you feel any internal resistance to admitting, ‘I don’t know exactly how to solve these issues with one neat solution’? g) Write down the last two or three times you found yourself engaged in a heated argument (or at least a ‘lively discussion’) with someone at work (e.g. ‘I know this is the right way to go!’):
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h) L ooking back on these experiences, do you notice if these were caused by any fixated opinions on your part? If so, explore how you felt during the experiences. Were you defensive? If so, what does that tell you about your opinions?
Exercise 2.0
Creating a Learning Culture
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he organisations that will thrive in the modern technological world are those that can innovate, learn and adapt fastest. So how can leaders create a culture of innovation? How can they inspire people to constantly push the boundaries of the known, to enter the scary and risky territory of the unknown? How can they maintain that delicate balance between holding old ground and gaining new ground? How can they create new wins and open up new opportunities and markets without jeopardising their existing business? First, they must create a safe learning environment.
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“Fixed or expert’s mind indicates a mind that is not relaxed and at ease. When we work with our minds and hearts, we develop a capacity to be flexible and open. But it takes being free from fixed mind and not getting caught in our strongly held views and opinions.”
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a) What specific organisational or team values and/or policies do you have in place to encourage learning? b) Suppose someone on your team were to make a costly mistake, however innocently. What would you do? How would you handle it? c) Identify the last two or three times a direct report did make a costly mistake. What did you do about it? d) L ooking back, would you say that your response encouraged or stifled learning? Why or why not?
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e) Without prompting them, ask your top three to five direct reports whether or not they fear making big mistakes in your team, and how they would feel about making a mistake. Record the responses you receive: f) Now consider a mistake you have made (maybe more than one). Have you shared these mistakes or covered them up? Jot them down and make sure you share them with your team, along with what you have learnt (and keep sharing).The more you share your mistakes the safer they feel to admit theirs and learn and grow.Your behaviour makes a difference.
“We will never have all the answers and to assume that we do is incredibly dangerous. The best we can do is to explore the world around us and our circumstances with open-minded and open-hearted curiosity. We can try things and see what works, then quickly adjust when things don’t work.”
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Exercise 2.1
Shifting From ‘Initiatives’ to ‘Experiments’
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n their book The Leadership Challenge: How to Make Extraordinary Things Happen in Organizations, Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner write, ‘Leaders make risk safe, as paradoxical as that might sound. They turn experiments into learning opportunities. They don’t define boldness solely in terms of go-for-broke, giant-leap projects. More often than not, they see change as starting small, using pilot projects, and gaining momentum. The vision may be grand and distant, but the way to reach it is by putting one foot in front of the other ... Of course, when you experiment, not everything works out as intended. There are mistakes and false starts. They are part of the process of innovation. What’s critical, therefore, is that leaders promote learning from these experiences.’
1. What are the top two experiments that your team are engaged in right now?
“The ability to learn quickly has become more important than capital, market share or almost any other factor. Creating a culture of perpetual innovation is far more important than any business strategy you could devise.”
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a) What are the top two initiatives that your team are engaged in right now?
b) Which of the two questions above was easier to answer, and why?
“The one consistent thing about great leaders is that they get the best out of others. They know leadership is not a solo endeavour. This is done through generosity of heart and spirit, generosity of sharing and supporting, of recognising the contributions of others.”
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Initiatives Versus Experiments Initiatives
Experiments
With initiatives, we’re stuck in the paradox of wanting to innovate but being fearful of making mistakes. We feel the pressure to maximise shareholder value and profitability. We use terms like ‘best practices’, ‘benchmarking’ and ‘standards’. But there’s nothing new in best practices; they’re simply what has worked in the past. That’s not innovation. Initiatives are often subject to confirmation bias and sunk-cost bias because of the pressure leaders feel to make them work, even when the feedback tells them that something needs to shift. Initiatives often devolve into forced attempts to prove an idea or strategy right. Leaders feel a responsibility to make them succeed, which often leads to a refusal to recognise when they are not going well. Initiatives are also often an attempt to create certainty in an uncertain world. In this framework, there is no beginner’s mind; there are only egos and experts who ‘know’ and then deny and defend when things don’t turn out how they had predicted.
In an experiment, when something goes wrong we don’t immediately jump into blame and defensiveness mode. Experiments remove ego from the equation. We’re simply observing and analysing with beginner’s mind. The idea of an experiment isn’t to force anything to succeed, but rather simply to learn. When experiments don’t go as planned, we try to understand what this is telling us. Rather than imposing our ideas of what should be, we’re letting the reality of the experiment tell us what actually is. We’re playing around in a lab and watching what happens.
2. After reading these definitions, are you currently engaged in any experiments? If so, list them:
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If not, brainstorm your ideas for the top two to three experiments you believe your team/ department / organisation should engage in immediately:
3. What makes failure safe in experiments is boundaries. Just as we would set up safe boundaries in a science lab, we can create safe boundaries in business experiments. Don’t do anything that has the potential to break your whole company. Make it safe to fail. Get really objective about the risk you’re taking on.What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen? Quantify it. Ask yourself if you can live with that failure. If not, change the parameters and boundaries. If so, then you can relax and move forward, accepting that the worst-case scenario is a real possibility.When that worst case happens, no one will be blamed or punished—we’ll learn from it together. In fact, when we really understand the power of experimenting, we actually reward people for intelligent applications of failure. Getting the monkey of failure off your back gives you the space and mindset to learn.
a) After listing your proposed experiments, now detail the following for each: Experiment #1: What ‘safe boundaries’ need to be put in place for this experiment?
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• Experiment #2: What ‘safe boundaries’ need to be put in place for this experiment? • Experiment #3: What ‘safe boundaries’ need to be put in place for this experiment?
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Exercises
Empower Others to Shine Exercise 1.0
Bringing Out the Best in Others
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n a leadership context, generosity isn’t about giving money or even volunteering time, but rather about giving of our cooperation, respect, attention, care and efforts to our colleagues, boss and direct reports. A leader moves from being an individual contributor to getting things done through others.The one consistent thing about great leaders is that they get the best out of others. They know leadership is not a solo endeavour.This is done through generosity of heart and spirit, generosity of sharing and supporting, of recognising the contributions of others.
“As leaders, our job is not to fix people. If we have that attitude, we can be certain that we’re seeing them as broken and therefore deficient. Nothing good ever comes from that view. Our job is to see the inherent goodness in people and to empower them to become what we see in them.”
In the spaces below, write down the following: • The names of all your direct reports. • What you believe are this person’s greatest gifts. • Ways that you see this person could leverage their natural gifts more effectively to improve their behaviour and performance. • What you commit to do to helping each person take their lives to the next level. 62
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Example: Direct Report: John His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts:
Creative, great with technology. Loves exploring new things.
What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation?
They need more time for creating solutions for making customer service more efficient, especially in the area of our systems.They need to stop being asked to do constant maintenance and troubleshooting small problems and be given space to do development.
What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above?
I personally commit to finding a way to get the maintenance tasks eased for them, and create space, expectations and resources for time developing the system.
“When we help our team members be the best they can be, without feeling threatened that they will shine brighter than us, they will give their best because they want to, rather than because it’s expected of them.”
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Direct Report: His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts: What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation? What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above? *** Direct Report: His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts: What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation?
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What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above? *** Direct Report: His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts: What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation? What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above?
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*** Direct Report: His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts: What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation? What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above? *** Direct Report: His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts: What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation? 66
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What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above? *** Direct Report: His/Her Greatest Natural Gifts: What might this person need to stop/do less of or start/do more of to leverage these gifts to make a greater difference on your team and in your organisation? What do you personally commit to do to help this person do the things you’ve listed above?
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Exercise 2.0
Cultivating Compassion
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ompassion dissolves barriers and helps us to reconnect with our lives and with others. One effective way to cultivate deeper compassion is to use an exercise called ‘just like me’. We often create enemy images of others and see how they are so much different than us. But the truth is that we’re all more alike than we are different. We all want to be happy and avoid suffering. We all want to be accepted, respected, valued and loved. We don’t want to feel inadequate, lonely or depressed. Whenever you meet someone who seems much different than you, or whenever you get into conflict with someone, think ‘Just like me’.‘Just like me, she wants to be respected’. ‘Just like me, she doesn’t want to be blamed for things’.
“The whole point of leadership isn’t to get glory for ourselves, but rather to enable and inspire teams to accomplish what we could never accomplish alone. It is to empower others to bring out their best and realise their potential in the pursuit of a common goal.”
This simple exercise draws us closer to others and helps us to really see them in their struggles. a) Write down the names of three team/organisational members with whom you’ve been frustrated in the past for poor behaviour and/or performance, followed by what each person did specifically to cause your frustration:
Team Member: What S/He Did to Disappoint/Frustrate You:
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Team Member: What S/He Did to Disappoint/Frustrate You: Team Member: What S/He Did to Disappoint/Frustrate You: b) Now, mindfully explore each scenario that frustrated you. First, identify your underlying judgemental assumptions about this person regarding the scenario.Why you believe s/he acted this way? (e.g.‘She’s lazy’,‘He tries to get away with everything’ or ‘He just doesn’t care’.) Team Member: My Judgements About Why S/He Acted This Way: Team Member: My Judgements About Why S/He Acted This Way:
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Team Member: My Judgements About Why S/He Acted This Way: c) F inally, use the exercise above to consider new ways of seeing this situation. Assuming the best in this person, what legitimate reason can you find for this person behaving this way? What were they hoping to gain? What were they afraid of? What were they hoping to avoid? If explored honestly, these should all be reasons that you can wholly relate with.
Team Member: The Valid Reason Why This Person Behaved This Way (‘Just Like Me’): Team Member: The Valid Reason Why This Person Behaved This Way (‘Just Like Me’): Team Member: The Valid Reason Why This Person Behaved This Way (‘Just Like Me’):
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* Note on this exercise: Just because you are now more compassionate with that person does not mean you condone or agree with their behaviour. It just means if you cannot change their behaviour you are happier and at more peace, and if you can, your request and communication style will be far more effective in the long term, and create engagement and connection, even if it’s a tough message. Compassion can be fierce, but it’s never judgemental, self-righteous or angry.
Exercise 2.1
Identifying and Dissolving Enemy Images
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hen our hearts are closed, a sense of separateness governs our perceptions and behaviours. With that disconnectedness comes a tendency to view ourselves and others as objects that we use to achieve our goals. Even worse, we start seeing others as enemies. If people get in the way of our goals, we can very quickly close our hearts and go into avoidant, compliant or aggressive behaviour. And we further dehumanise them with labels like ‘idiot’ or ‘selfish’. When we are mere objects to each other, we can’t see the hurt and confusion underlying poor behavioural choices, and neither can we see the light and beauty that is the essence of who we are. And our actions follow from that delusion. All physical and emotional violence is based on seeing ‘the other’ as unreal, inhuman objects who are different and separate from us. In the corporate world, we may not be physically violent with each other, but the subtle violence that comes from dehumanising one another is an ever-present problem nonetheless.
“Seeing people through the eyes of compassionate equality, we shed our impatience and our controlling mindset. We see ourselves as servants of our team members. We get in tune with our innate desire to help them experience joy and fulfilment.”
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a) Write down the names of three people in your organisation with whom you’ve had conflict in the past, followed by your judgemental labels of how you perceive him or her:
Name: How You Perceive Him or Her (be petty and judgmental, e.g. ‘selfish’, ‘lazy’, ‘condescending’, domineering’, etc.): *** Name: How You Perceive Him or Her: *** Name: How You Perceive Him or Her:
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b) H ow do your judgements and labels of these people influence how you interact with and treat them? Be honest with yourself.
c) If each of these three people were to do this same exercise toward you, how do you think they would respond? Don’t try to defend yourself here—really get inside the heads of the other people and see things from their perspective. Name: How They May Perceive Me Based on Our Interactions: *** Name: How They May Perceive Me Based on Our Interactions: 73
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Name: How They May Perceive Me Based on Our Interactions: d) What have you learned about these relationships by doing this exercise?
Exercise 3.0
Wisely Wielding the ‘Fierce Sword of Compassion’
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estern culture teaches us to view compassion as soft and, frankly, weak and passive. We think that somehow being compassionate makes us spineless wimps who allow others to take advantage of us and who never take a stand. But nothing could be further from the truth. Compassion actually enables tough conversations because it allows us to conduct them without anger—to hold people accountable with purity of intent.
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“You will be amazed by what people can do when they feel safe, valued and important. By watering the ground of their being with sincere, heartfelt praise and encouragement, you will be able to watch them flower from within. You will bring out the best in them. Your organisation will perform better than it ever has. And the greatest reward of all is the feeling of peace, warmth and happiness you will create within yourself.”
The Mindful Leader
a) Write down the names of one to three team members who are falling short and with whom you may be avoiding a tough conversation: Team Member: Specific Problematic Behaviours: *** Team Member: Specific Problematic Behaviours: *** Team Member: Specific Problematic Behaviours: b) F or the benefit of these people, what needs to be said to them in order for them to improve their behaviour/performance? Team Member: The Honest Feedback S/He Needs to Receive:
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Team Member: The Honest Feedback S/He Needs to Receive: *** Team Member: The Honest Feedback S/He Needs to Receive: c) H ow can you give this feedback to each person kindly and compassionately? Write down a compassion conversation for each individual: Team Member: Compassionate Feedback: ***
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Team Member: Compassionate Feedback: *** Team Member: Compassionate Feedback:
d) F inally, make a commitment to have this conversation with each of these individuals. Notes:
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Exercises
Nourish Others With Love Exercise 1.0
Cultivating Lovingkindness
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or a leader, lovingkindness manifests as thinking of the welfare and happiness of the whole. It is to deeply and sincerely care about your people, to be emotionally invested in their progress and success. And it is to show how much you care about them by regularly and consistently expressing appreciation for their efforts.
“For leaders, gratitude is a catalyst for recognition. It makes us constantly look for the good in people and feeds our desire to share our gratitude for a job well done. It is a light we carry with us that people are drawn to because they feel good about themselves when they are around us.”
1. Write down the names of your top three to five direct reports or colleagues if you don’t have direct reports:
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2. Think of each individual and identify at least three reasons why you sincerely appreciate this person: Name: Three Reasons Why I Appreciate Him/Her: 1. 2. 3. *** Name: Three Reasons Why I Appreciate Him/Her: 1. 2. 3. *** Name: Three Reasons Why I Appreciate Him/Her: 1. 2. 3. ***
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Name: Three Reasons Why I Appreciate Him/Her: 1. 2. 3. *** Name: Three Reasons Why I Appreciate Him/Her: 1. 2. 3. Now, commit to sharing the thoughts you have written above with each of these individuals.
Exercise 1.1
Seeing and Connecting With Your Team Members 1. Write down the names of your three direct reports whom you know the least and as much information as you can about them:
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“As we come home to ourselves and give ourselves that lovingkindness we long for, we discover within ourselves a limitless capacity to love. We find that the more love we give, the more we generate and the more we receive. Love truly is the source of our greatest strength, the quality that elicits the best and purest in us, that fortifies us against all hatred, negativity and challenges.”
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Name: • Is s/he married? • If so, what is his/her spouse’s name? • Does s/he have children? • If so, what are his/her children’s names? • What are his/her hobbies? • What are his/her talents and skills that may not be used/seen at work (e.g. playing guitar, dancing, painting, etc.)? • What are his/her most important life goals/aspirations? • How does s/he spend his or her free time? • If s/he were to teach a course or write a book, what would it be about? • Where does s/he see him or herself in five years? • Why did s/he choose this career? 81
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• Why did s/he choose this company? • How does s/he want to be remembered? *** Name: • Is s/he married? • If so, what is his/her spouse’s name? • Does s/he have children? • If so, what are his/her children’s names? • What are his/her hobbies? • What are his/her talents and skills that may not be used/seen at work (e.g. playing guitar, dancing, painting, etc.)? • What are his/her most important life goals/aspirations? • How does s/he spend his or her free time?
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• If s/he were to teach a course or write a book, what would it be about? • Where does s/he see him or herself in five years? • Why did s/he choose this career? • Why did s/he choose this company? • How does s/he want to be remembered? *** Name: • Is s/he married? • If so, what is his/her spouse’s name? • Does s/he have children? • If so, what are his/her children’s names? • What are his/her hobbies?
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• What are his/her talents and skills that may not be used/seen at work (e.g. playing guitar, dancing, painting, etc.)? • What are his/her most important life goals/aspirations? • How does s/he spend his or her free time? • If s/he were to teach a course or write a book, what would it be about? • Where does s/he see him or herself in five years? • Why did s/he choose this career? • Why did s/he choose this company? • How does s/he want to be remembered?
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2. After completing this exercise, were you surprised by how little you knew, or pleased by how much you knew about each individual?
a) What is your commitment to getting to know each of these three people better? Write down a detailed plan for each person: Person 1: Person 2: Person 3:
“Great leaders bring out the very best in others. Care is an essential element of this. If you don’t feel connected with your boss, how can they inspire you or push you beyond your limits?”
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Exercise 2.0
Recognising and Rewarding Team Members
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esearcher Emily Heaphy and consultant Marcial Losada examined the effectiveness of 60 leadership teams at a large information processing company. ‘Effectiveness’ was measured according to financial performance, customer satisfaction ratings and 360-degree feedback ratings of the team members. They found that the factor that produced the greatest difference between the most and least successful teams was the ratio of positive comments (‘I agree with that’, for instance, or ‘That’s a terrific idea’) to negative comments (‘I don’t agree with you’ or ‘We shouldn’t even consider doing that’) that the participants made to one another. (Negative comments include sarcastic or disparaging remarks.)
“The best leaders are always looking for ways to recognise and praise their people. They truly see their people and take notice of their contributions. They never take them for granted—and people can feel that from them.”
The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (i.e. nearly six positive comments for every negative one). The medium-performance teams averaged 1.9 (almost twice as many positive comments as negative ones). But the average for the low-performing teams, at 0.36 to 1, was almost three negative comments for every positive one. Gratitude, appreciation, recognition and encouragement are the oil that greases the wheels of organisations. They increase trust and foster cooperation. Simply put, we feel better about ourselves, we perform better, and we enjoy working more with people who encourage us and recognise our contributions.
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a) D escribe in detail your formal recognition system for your team and/or your organisation:
b) As you look at this, do you feel like it’s enough? List three to five ways that you could formally recognise the contributions of team members better:
c) How do you recognise people, personally and informally?:
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d) Do you feel like you’re doing these things enough? List three to five ways that you could informally recognise the contributions of team members better:
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Conclusion
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hank you for completing this workbook and I hope you have truly benefitted from it. If you wish to deepen your journey or simply continue on with the good work you have done so far, consider doing our online video and audio programs on www.mindfulleader. net or even attend a live event.You can also download our app Mindful Minutes from the Google or Apple App Store and enjoy a supported program for ongoing mindful leadership practice in the form of meditations, talks, writings and interviews.
May you be well and deeply happy,
Michael Bunting
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About the author
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ichael Bunting is the founder of the leadership consultancy WorkSmart Australia. WorkSmart consults to organisations ranging from global multinationals through to medium-sized businesses in the area of leadership, mindfulness, engagement, alignment, values and culture. He is the author of The Mindful Leader and co-authored A Practical Guide to Mindful Meditation with Patrick Kearney and Extraordinary Leadership in Australia & New Zealand with Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, the world’s premier researchers and authors in the field of leadership. He also teaches Mindful Leadership for Sydney University’s award-winning Global Executive MBA.
Michael regularly contributes articles for industry magazines including CEO Magazine, BRW, SmartCompany and Inside HR. He has also appeared on Sky Business News and several radio stations. He delivers large-scale keynote presentations at industry events, trade shows and company off-sites. Michael has kept a disciplined personal mindfulness practice since 1994 and has taught mindful leadership to businesses and government since 1999. Michael holds two business degrees and a postgraduate diploma in mindfulness-based psychotherapy. He lives with his family in Sydney, Australia.
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